Wednesday, March 23, 2011

.my first time.

.today someone described me as being laid back and carefree. normally I wouldn't see anything wrong with that. I don't want to be uptight and a constant nagger. I usually tend to go with the flow of things and it doesn't take much to make me happy or keep me satisfied. But that doesn't mean that you can walk all over me or do whatever you want because Im a go with the flow type of girl. I'm not too loud in the sense of telling people off. I'm actually pretty nice and understanding but dont take this for a weakness and please don't get me twisted. I do have my opinion and I have my feelings. Once pushed too far I react in ways you wouldn't imagine. I guess my forewarning to that would have to he make sure you listen to the things that I say.

I do feel like I need to speak up someone about certain situations. I remember I was at this guys house who I was dating, it was a cook out, and I saw him entertaining another girl and I wanted to walk right up in there and break that apart. Kiss him right in her face. Let them both know that I'm here! But I didnt. I just disappeared. I did that because though I felt like that's the way I shouldve reacted, the guy made me feel like though we were dating, I wasn't that special to have the right to behave that way. No one wants to be the clingy girl who is acting crazy. I really wish I could go back to that night and do that. Haha just to see everyone's reaction.

All in all I dont think that being laid back and carefree is a problem. I think that I should be a bit more expressive but that's only when I'm secure enough. If you make me feel insecure than I'll look crazy by having that reaction.

Ya know? I do know that from now on, I'll show you when I'm feeling anything. No more holding back! Yup that's what I'm doing. Holding back. I just didn't trust the situation to just let go and be completely vulnerable. I have to be guarded too. Just like you.

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