Sunday, April 7, 2013



I know it's such a far fetched idea nowadays. Who is stable? And what does stability even mean?

Recently, as in like 4 days ago, I realized that I may possibly possess too much drive. Too much ambition, too much love and determination. Sounds insane right? How can one possibly have too much of those things? I feel like I do. Or I let that exceeding amount of impatience ruin "the climb." The inconsistency, there downs and instabilities of my twenties. I should be sitting back ad truly enjoying that though student loan debt and moving out of my parents homes is in fact real and I do get the constant reminders, it's all pretty easy right now. I have no kids, I have no mortgage, and nothing serious or attaching. Instead of looking for my next move everyday, I can sit back and bask in the struggle for a couple hours. Accept that I'm starting things off and right now as a PA, I have it pretty good.

However, all this struggle isn't what I'll accept when I'm 40. I never wanted to be that woman and I'm not saying that I am in that position now, but as of right now, what I've been physically, mentally and spiritually consumed with is work. At 40, I NEED to be poppin. Like big boss, big dollar, credible brand-name-work-opinion. I have to be successful. This is my passion and drive. All my struggles will turn into stability. My work and name will reflect that. Of course I'd love to be laid up with my love in whichever bicoastal house we own. But right now, since I have a blurred view of "him," I can only imagine. I know he'll be there though. I'm never fully alone.

One lesson I've learned so far in my 23 years of life, is that nothing is what it seems or what you'd think it will be. I hope I'm not jinxing myself. However I don't think asking for stability, is asking for much.

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