Friday, August 16, 2013

I can't be there with you but I can dream

I'm pretty sentimental and emotional.

I'm aware of how depressed and heavy my entries can be and I promise I don't go to sleep and wake up with tear stains, but I find it completely okay, normal and therapeutic to express these emotions that we all feel. I also find that more people are likely to sit and read my blog when I'm expressing more of the sad feelings that they can relate to over my happy experiences that they either feel negative about or have yet to experience. I won't hold back those happy moments so relax.

Today I'm thinking about all of those people that I've lost. I'm really in mourning. I miss my grandma and pop-pop so much. There's so much that I want to show and tell them. To have lost my pop-pop at a young and immature age truly sucks. I can't get his advice on my silly boy drama and I can't see him smile over my accomplishments. I miss my grandma. My support and motivator. She wasn't an emotional woman so she really helped me to push through the sap and the whining and I need that.

I'm even mourning the friendships that I lost. Both physical and circumstantial. I believe ending a relationship is comparable to that person actually dying. All you have left are memories and dreams and passing thoughts. They are no longer tangible. That's also a bit hard to deal with for me today. For some of my close friends that I've lost and their lack or ability to move past and see how life changes.

I guess that's something that I will learn next year. Accepting that people are here for seasons. I am fully aware and understanding of death. But it's more about the loss of someone who hasn't died. Who I may actually run into. Will it be similar to the dreams that I have of those close to me that passed? Will I be emotional? Will I let hard and callous feelings replace where love once resided? Will I let them be dead to me? Ah I feel that as my next self challenge. cheers to my 20s.

I can't be there with you, but I can dream. I miss my grandparents today.

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