Thursday, January 29, 2015

Leave me alone!

I've been that girl where I've said that I hated you and never wanted to talk to you again. Surprising I'm sure. But to be fair or maybe biased, since this is my blog, I was pushed to that place. It wasn't like that person was being wonderful and in response I told them I hated them and wanted to delete their existence out of my life. I was hurt. Repeatedly.

What I'm really trying to get at with this post, is that I hate whenever I tell a guy that I never want to talk to them again, ending the relationship, friendship, situationship, whatevership, they actually do it. It's kind of like WOW that's the thing you actually chose to do for me? Despite the hundreds of other things I've asked of you? Why is leaving me alone the one thing you can so easily say yes to? Initially I thought it was 100 percent me. It's completely strange that whenever I ask to go to the movies, the answer would be no almost instantly but when I say never again, leave me alone it's okay, I'll give you what you want. Do you know what that does to someone? Do you know how that makes one feel? How low and pathetic? How impossible it is to look in the mirror after something like that's been done to you? Probably not right. Or how about when the situation comes right after someone saying something that you felt was way crass or even blatantly disrespectful? Where just moments before, they were discussing how they can't get enough of you? If what you said was taken out of context, why not try to get me to understand. One little sorry, isn't really enough.

Is the issue that I'm just too forgiving? Is this even normal to be complaining about? Like poor me, this really mean guy stopped talking me because he didn't treat me right. Is it because I'm fanciful? That I believe that every and anything can be worked through and moved past? Am I not realistic? I go through these wars within myself. "Don't reach out to him, you're only showing him that he's okay to treat you that way." "You allow everything that's being done to you." Someone even told me today, "The things men get away with with you is pretty hilarious."

Here's my last rant about this:
At the end of the day, if you know that you messed up. That you aren't shit, apologize for it. Prove me wrong. Show me that you're sorry and that you care. Be human. You're not perfect and you're not your mistakes (shout out to Kanye!) but don't just be silent. Show me that your apology is real and that you truly didn't mean any harm and you want to make me feel better - not because I'm telling you what to do but because that's what you care about and want to do! Don't just abandon me and then pop up expecting me to be okay. I'm not okay. I am not okay. And if you really meant those things that you said or did or how you made me to feel, thank you for leaving me alone. Seriously. Thanks.

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