Tuesday, February 17, 2015

"You Can't Keep Dancing With The Devil & Ask Why You're Still In Hell!"

Let that thang go!!

Whatever it is that you're holding on to for whatever reasons, but you know deep down that you should just let it go, let it go!

Some people may think of me as being mean, insensitive or rude, but I'm doing what's necessary for me! I'm not sorry for not answering my phone. I'm not sorry for turning my phone off for the week. I'm not sorry for telling you I'm not interested in continuing this conversation.

You know what's so weird about all of this to me, is that I'm behaving just like he did/does. My attitude about a lot of things right now is very selfish and that's exactly what he is. It's such an odd feeling that I'm honestly coming to realizing as I'm typing this. Those breaks, silent days, sudden ending of conversation and relationship that I so desperately needed so that I can become me, Bianca again, have only made me more like him.

Or maybe I'm just over worrying about everything and everyone else, except me! Could that be it? I mean this new found selfishness is balanced. I still give but I do sometimes see that I don't give always and constantly to the people who do nothing but take from me. That's a good thing though right?

Rely on God's ability. In the beginning of all of this (this new found freedom that I'm experiencing), I really didn't see any clear skies in the forecast. To be honest, I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror. That's how deep into "hell" I was. But that was the thing, I was too busy relying on myself, crediting myself and not really relying on God. Not being quiet. Too busy trying to fight the case myself. Then I just quit. I stopped it all and only now, through prayer and positive thinking, can I embrace myself, unapologetically.

In this silence, I've found myself.

blahhhh! Why must life be so much about growing? The lessons never stop!

I guess I'll end on this - "I think a lot of relationships fail because people don't plan for how they are going to change emotionally."

No comments: