Hi readers, followers, or those of you that just stumble across this post.
I've been faking. Faking for a while now. These past two months have been a whirl-wind. Things have been shifted, flipped and changed completely. I was laid off from work. At first, I was embarrassed to address the changes because it was embarrassing when it all happened. But whatever. When things started to go left, I cried. To be honest, I cried for 30 days straight and have weekly moments to this day. I kept crying out to God, begging him to reveal to me what the challenge was in this storm. What did I have to learn in order to pass the test and how can I learn it quick. Being uncomfortable really sucks! You don't feel good. I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror without breaking down. Things were bad.
But last week, before my half-marathon, the Friday before actually, I begged God. I went over His promises and kept remembering that all you have to do is ask, and know that it's yours. You continue to live your life in the knowing and that's enough. I'll be the first to tell you that tapping into that kind of faith is so hard when you're facing daily obstacles. The world will remind you of how quickly things will shift, change and spiral out of your control. Basically the world will let you know that it's not trustworthy while God is! And once I truly tapped into that, well there's nothing I can do anymore but to rely on God, that's when joy and peace started to manifest.
And once you know it's yours, all you can do is giggle at the enemy as he tries to shake/break you. But it takes some true fighting to get to that place. I truly felt like Job during this time. Here's the key advice: instead of talking about the climb to the peace, laugh at the attempts made by the enemy and keep it moving. Staying in a mindset of constantly talking about defeat, or a fight, will attract like situations. Not everyone is here to know the climb. There are some people that pray for you and pray against you (which is fine, because I know that the power in my positive prayers, will always outweigh those of negative prayers).
Things are shifting for me and it's not just in the world but always my levels of maturity but most importantly my faith in God. I'm grateful to not have experienced another anxiety attack but looking back at some of my bad days, I don't even know why I was fretting, I don't really believe that time exists outside of God's timing. We only remember, celebrate or mark milestone events. All other days are a blend of "I can't believe it's already xx."
All in all, things are great. God has truly watched and covered me during this time. Learned a lot!