Tuesday, January 13, 2009

.its been a long time coming but i know, a change gonna come.

.so I'm a little upset.I know I said that change needed to be made in that certain relationship, and the change that I was needed was pertaining to the fact that we can't do certain things like we used to because now I know he has a girlfriend. I didn't want to change how we talk and that nature of our relationship. Like forreal we can't be the friends we were because I can't like you the way my heart wants me to? And then to throw it in my face when I ask you about it and tell me its 2009 aren't you all about change? Wow. Like are you trying to push me away forreal? I don't know how to think or feel. I guess this is what I asked for but I didn't ask for this. I miss talking to you and I don't want to change that but if this is what happens when I stop something that isn't fair for both of us ok.

What you fail to realize these are feelings. Its how I feel at the time. A lot of times after discussing it or further thinking about it, the feelings change slightly. You can't take my every word to heart. Remember, I'm the one who loves you. I have to be strong so I have to tell myself things to keep it that way. I don't know how you feel and it eats me up so stop hanging on my emotions and words and then push me away. I guess maybe you don't want me around anymore.

Ugh. I hate that I still love you.

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