Wednesday, January 14, 2009

.i get so lonely.

.today is a weird day. i have this funny feeling in my stomach and i don't know why. i guess it can be from all the stress that i've had to deal with these past couple of weeks. i have soo much on my mind and i feel all alone right now. though i have people in my life that i can talk to, i just don't feel quite the same. it still feels like i'm all alone in a room full of people. it's pretty crazy but that's how i'm feeling though. i just wish that i had someone to talk to and not necessarily about what stresses me or the personal demons that i'm dealing with, but just to talk to. to put a smile on my face. make me crack up and when i'm laying down to go to sleep, our converstation is still in my mind. it's been a long time since i've had that and it's like i'm yearning to have that. the way that i'm feeling probably makes no sense and i don't want to come off like i'm weakminded or just being dramatic because i know that i'll get through this but right now the feeling is heartbreaking. it's like i'm missing apart of me and i don't which part it is so it's hard to find this missing part. and it's crazy because i'm missing that part so much, its absence is taking over my mind.

.why do you [if anyone is out there] read this? what about me intrigues you to take the time out and read what's been on my mind or what's in my heart? why does it matter to you? if anyone is out there reading this, i want to say thank you for i guess being my ears, for just listening to me without saying a word or judging me. it really means a lot to me. i hold a lot in and it's not good, but i'm changing and that's always good. before i used to just wish and wish just to be happy and i realized that you can't wish for happiness, even though it feels like the world just craps on me ALLLLL THEEEE TIME!!!!, i've learned to just be thankful for what God has given me and right now i guess i'm supposed to be lonely.

ehh. i'm amazing. i'll be cooool, like the otherside of the pillow.

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