Monday, October 19, 2009

.you make me wanna scream.


`WELL DUHH! of course i do. i've been telling myself that since my freshman year in college not to mention that you've been telling me the same thing. and it's so crazy that even after all this and all that, whatever it is kept going on. and i made up my mind, i definitely did. i even surprised myself! but then you came along and told me what i wanted to hear. how can you expect me to go on and forget about you when you are right there to whisper those sweet nothings in my ear. it happens just enough that here i am at my final attempt to attach my feelings onto what this is and you tell me "IT'S THAT SIMPLE" that's how easy it is for you to dismiss my thoughts or feelings about the whole thing. LOL! it's soo crazy that right now it tickles me. which is odd because this is no laughing matter. but hey! what did i expect? you've been practically begging me to find someone but yet YOU KEEP ME HERE! YOU ARE THE ONE THAT MAKES ME LIKE YOU. YOU ARE THE ONE THAT MANIPULATES ME. YES MANIPULATE BECAUSE IF YOU CARED AT LEAST YOU WOULDN'T DISMISS LIKE YOU TRY. so you want me to give myself to someone else? that's how much of nothing i am to you? it's just so easy for me to just bounce? you telling me this was a sigh of relief. i've figured out why i'm still in this. now i know for sure that something isn't wrong with me-well yea because i'm the fool again- but it's you that has something wrong with them. you are the one who likes to play all of these games and hurt people in the process. you are the one who cares only for yourself. i don't want to hear "you think i don't care" or any of that because you know what you don't. you don't care about me or how i feel. i opened myself time and time again and this is what you do. and you are sooo good at it. making all of these realizations fade to black when you become sweet and charming so you can get what you want. is this fun to you? there are tons of ways of going about things but you chose to present it to me that way. you chose the words that came out. you could have let me down another way. but you didn't and i respect your honesty. i'm not going to be negative and nasty and say things out of anger. i'm not even angry. i pray for you every night. i hope you find that happiness and fill that void that is in your life-because something is off. i'm not going to be bitter. i'm not even mad. and this feeling is amazing. normally i'd be distraught and all that be see here's the thing, YEA I LIKE YOU, BUT NOT THAT MUCH. you had* it like that. but you let most of it slip away during this process. don't get me wrong, you still had some clearly if i'm here-but never like before. i don't want to end on these terms, but you don't care anyways right? how i feel doesn't quite matter right? you don't even want me right?


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