Friday, November 19, 2010

.my vs.ours.

I'm currently reading "The Conversation; How Black Men and Women Can Build Loving, Trusting Relationships" by Hill Harper. I've got to be honest, (well I'm always honest on here) I was completely hesitant about this book because I don't really like thinking about relationships and issues that people face, but I was interested in Hill Harper's adaption over something that is commonly talked about. I'm at an age where it seems like guys and girls and relationships are a constant conversation and it annoys me. Even though it's annoying, I'm still very curious about it all but furthermore, why so many people are pondering the same exact things.

The book had me thinking about my relationship vs. our relationship. Even though I'm victim to it, I really don't like discussing my relationship with other people. It kind of makes the relationship now an open thing because I'm inviting all of these other opinion and emotions into it which isn't fair. BUT it's nice to have someone to talk to with similar issues. Then I came across a lot of explanations in the book that SCREAMED out this one guys name. Then it really made me think about my relationships. It seems like everything that this book has been saying, I could align up with this person. These aren't male bashing stories, but male explanations to the very things that I never understood. It really put things into perspective. What I do know is that friendship is really key. I'm glad that the new people that enter my life, have really shown a lot of interest in being my friend. I hate that I don't feel at ease to just talk to certain people. AND THIS IS WHEN I LET MY ENVIRONMENT, AGE, AND CIRCUMSTANCES COME INTO PLAY AND BRING ANOTHER LEVEL OF CONFUSION INTO PLAY.

Often times you will hear a guy say "don't listen to your friends" or something of the sort, yet they don't see that though it is our relationship, it feels like it is mine. Guys control a lot. They retract and shut down for things that may not even have to deal with the female. Yet trying to talk sometimes is like pulling teeth. One of my fears, is coming off as a nag but if you just talked to me more then you would see that. Here's an issue that I've been coming across in the book. Realizing that if we don't talk, and if he doesn't act like my friend, maybe he's just too afraid to say things that I know are there. But then the off and on, hot and cold games come into play as well. I have messages that prove the off and on from guys. It puts me in a position like what the heck? What do I do?

So far I'm really enjoying the book, but I wish I didn't pick it up. I don't know, maybe I'm not ready to face the reality of the crap that I too often accept. The book also makes me think about the characteristics or "stereotypes" that I may have. It actually makes the dating world seem so scary to me. I'm dealing with my own issues in terms of my retracting from almost every male relationship that I have, so reading this book may or may not be that beneficial to me. I mean at the end of the day, I want to improve these things. I will improve them. But it's always hard to face yourself when you know you've done wrong.

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