Monday, January 31, 2011

.blow your smoke.

.last year this time i felt an indifference. but it was physical. this year i still feel the indifference, but it's emotional. it's such a weird feeling. i try and i'm doing a good job at dealing with it, but then i have bad days. and it hits hard and it gets overwhelming and it suffocates me. and i have to deal with it. i have to face it and it hurts. it's everywhere. in my dreams, on my ipod, on the social networks, on some of my clothes. then i think logically and realistically. and soon it happens again.

i wonder how this will be when school is just something i accomplished. when my life goes back to Jersey and possibly to another state for a "beginning". when i will be in the city, looking at and meeting new people and experiencing new things. how will it be? will it be better? will it be worse? time is flying by but there's so much more time to go. i don't want to go through it anymore. each week it gets better and then it hits me.


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