Friday, January 7, 2011


.so (maybe shamefully, i'm not quite sure yet), last night i was at a club. before going out i had a wild amount of drinks with my dad. (free drinks, why not?) then when i met up with my girls, they were giving me drink after drink and when i got to the club, of course i didn't turn down the shots and the cups. bottoms up for about 4 hours. anywhos, i was definitely in my emotions last night. and it was definitely about a guy.

why can't our hearts do what our mind knows is right. there i was getting TWITBLASTED, (thanks to Nicole outing me, smh) being called Sammi from JerseyShore, who is the weakest female on the planet, because of my heart. now i didn't really like that comment, and i'm sure my friend was joking, but there lies truth in every joke. this guy was an asshole towards me. yes we had some good times, but how i feel wasn't really a priority. i never really asked for much. didn't even push a relationship heavy as most females would. he knows what he lacked. but what hurts me the most, is how bad he really treated me, after we talked about the things that bothered me the most! it was like he heard me, understood, then did a 180. i honestly thought that he got it. and i expected him to do this, but when expectancy turns into reality and it's not a good thing, oh man. but i had to face it and see that we weren't ever really F R I E N D S*. trust me that's a tough cookie to swallow.

*i miss THE THOUGHT, THE IDEA of him. to some people that's a sign of weakness. do i feel weak? no. stupid, yes. and that's ok. i can admit that. i got comfortable. but i ended it completely. something that was in a comfort zone, is not there. and right now sobered up, i feel like a fool for missing him, yet i do. it's hard to totally erase someone especially when they caused pain. because i was so hurt to the point where i had to erase, that anger and hurt is still on my mind, and when i drink, it's heavily on my heart.

`so why can't my heart just stop this missing thing. what's the point of it? it's not really helping anything out right now at all. it does NOT have my best interest. fighting a battle with my mind and heart? i've been down this road last year this time and i stood strong for a while. so this time it won't be bad at all. after writing this, i see that i only think about it because i was so hurt and upset. this guy isn't worth it at all and i've known that for some time now. done... now let me go erase those tweets. haha

"one man's trash is another man's treasure."


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