Monday, March 19, 2012

.To the left, to the left.

So I was dating this guy for the last 6 months. It was going pretty well, we were spending tons of time together and I was opening myself up to him. I wasn't passive and I didn't allow things to go unnoticed. I adddressed things that bothered me and let him know how I was hesitant about it all. He was very encouraging and actually talked things out with me. "Told me to stop complaining and do something about it!" whenever I felt some kind of way about things. Whatever. Coincidentally, around the end of this "thing" I had asked him where was this going. I have to be honest with myself. I don't want to end up in a whirlwind of non-commitment and then abrupt confusion and just handed off. "Hey we've always been hot and cold." Not again. So right when I was about to get my answer, I found out via THE INTERNET (smh) that the whole time this guy had a girlfriend. And it took me for surprise. Totally left field. How is it that you are in a relationship with someone and yet you are always with me. Every weekend, during the week? It just seemed a bit familiar and I felt disgusted. This wasn't some guy that I had just met. We went to pre-school together. He knew me for a while and did me so dirty. I won't even go into details about how TRIFE the situation turned out to be.

Anyways, I went off. Stepped completely out of character to give him a vivid, picture perfect, clear understanding of how I felt and how I never EVER want to talk to him again. Yet this "Marvin's Room" fool has been contacting me biweekly every since. He has told me that he really loves me and has even told me in detail exactly what it is that he misses about me. He told me that since it's a long distance relationship, it doesn't even feel like he's in one and when he feels lonely, it's me who he wants. Yeah whatever, yet you're still in the relationship. You picked her. Leave me alone. He told me that he really cares, that's why he's contacting me rather than leaving me alone. LOL yeah right. He just thinks I'm weak and would go back to him. -____- I'll be honest, I entertained the messages, because I've never gotten this kind of response from a guy. Usually they just leave me alone. No one "fights for me" or makes it known how much they love or miss me once I'm gone, so it was intriguing but also emotionally exhausting. I told him to leave me alone once and for all and thought it was over until he contacted me yesterday. He liked my picture on instagram, so I knew that something was bound to be said within hours. Of course, he texted me saying that he prays all is well and he doesn't care if I have a problem with him sending the text because he sent it anyway.

I responded with "text your girlfriend with all of that."

He unliked the picture and unfollowed me. :D

Why would you even think that's ok to contact me? I was beginning to trust him like for real and you played me. Boy bye, to the left!!

I didn't really lose much here besides some idle time that I would probably have been sulking in. I know that I got into the whole "situation" because I wasn't healed from an attachment I had elsewhere. It was just a distraction and seeing how immature this guy is really lets me know for sure that he wasn't what I wanted, deserved, nor was he what I'm truly looking for. "Just something to do when there was nothing to do."

lol I know it's a bit personal to blog but it's just crazy lol. If you want to be trife, be trife, but leave me alone. I felt so great telling him that. I didn't feel bad either. I owe him nothing. I should have told him to pray for himself. lol

But here I am back on the "market." Exhausted from confusion and being played out. It's ok. I put out positivity and hopefulness so I know that I will get it in return. This has been one interesting year in terms of my love life. I need to catch a break though. Too many let downs. lol I've made up my mind that I'm taking the break. I don't want to get too close to anyone right now. I don't really have the time to anyway.

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