Monday, February 3, 2014

Love Takes Time

As I'm growing older, I'm coming to realize and oddly accept the fact that we may have several destined loves in our lives. I'm normally pretty old-fashioned in the sense of love and soul mates. At one point, just as recent as yesterday, I believed that you have one real, true love. But then there's so many misfortunes that happen -I only believe that death should break you and your soul mate apart- like losing your soul mate and I believed that only then, will you be granted another soul mate. I think that people with multiple spouses and divorces are lazy and impatient. They rushed a marriage and didn't have the guts to really try things.

Anyway, before I start on that rant, let me get to what I'm trying to say. There have only been two men in my life where I looked at them, and just felt the instant connection. I knew that they would be mine and I theirs. With one, as I got older and started to find out what it is that I want from a mate, I realized that maybe he isn't my soul mate as I strongly hoped and desired. Then I met guy number two. From the first time we locked eyes, there was chemistry. I don't want to sound like a weirdo but even from the things I would see him post on social networks! It was like damn, he expresses my thoughts and humor perfectly without even trying. From our small and often quick encounters, there was just a strong mutual, unspoken feeling. He showed excitement to see me, would whisper the perfect things, always greeted me with a huge smile. For once, the desire was matched! Sometimes I ask him questions, hoping to see if he gives me the perfect answer I'm looking for -without him knowing of course, and every time he delivers. We share the same morals and he's open to discussing things in mature ways that I've just honestly never experienced before. The way he talks shit to me and takes it back when I'm serving it. Ugh. Our first date felt so natural - from our body language, to the music we listened to. I know girls say it all the time, but I've never, ever done anything remotely close to that in my life. Due to some wack ass circumstances, things just can't work out. But I haven't stopped thinking about it since that first date. It's literally perfect expect it's not.

So here I am. Finding myself wondering, have I been wrong this entire time? Can you be destined to love more than one person? I think loving someone is the most natural thing that can happen between two people. If it's so easy, to me it's so real. Especially if there's no hold backs from both people. It can't work if one person is holding back or doesn't want the same thing. (That's common sense though right?) Is it that now that I'm older, I'm realizing that with guy number one, it was just lust and maybe he doesn't qualify as a real love? But that's no fair. I don't want to take away the love that I had -whether it be one-sided or not, just because now I'm seeing everything that I asked for.

All I know is that I've had butterflies the entire time writing this out.
One day.

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