Monday, June 9, 2014

If You Look Close Enough, The Signs Are Always There

I recently found something out about a friend, through a mutual friend. It's exciting news but I couldn't help to feel weird about it. Why? Because this friend hasn't yet shared the good news with me. I haven't spilled the beans that I know about it because I'm not sure why I haven't been told personally but it did, it does bother me a little bit.

I'm sitting here trying to figure out if it's karma. I'm known to be a personal person at times, often withholding good news for different reasons. Waiting for the big, dramatic, reveal. I see how I've been the other person in this situation and I'm thinking, hmm, maybe this is a lesson learned? It's just difficult for me to process as I'm now realizing, I'm an oversharer. I share things with people almost immediately and depending on the person and/or relationship, I expect the same. Maybe that's where things go wrong? Expectations? I don't want to feel like I'm entitled to expecting my friends to tell me about their lives, and that's not necessarily where my feelings are coming from, but I think with developing friendships, sharing things are important.

I could be crying and whining too soon. That's probably what's going on here and for that, I apologize. I just don't like to be pushed out, left clueless because despite my positive energy and thinking, I can be really dark with myself and I try to avoid that. I can say though, that today I looked it like "it is, what it is."

Here's the sign that I read today from Britni Danielle's Monday Motivation:
"While we cannot control what people say to or about us, or how they treat us, we can control how we respond to it.

For example, does someone else’s rude attitude cause you to react impolitely as well? Or does someone else’s cattiness make you want to be petty in return? Each reaction is a choice. And like Martin Luther King, Jr. so eloquently put, being angry and being hateful is just too hard to maintain, so the only other choice is love."

It came in perfect timing as I've been letting people's words and harmful actions linger in my soul. I have also noticed that while in the past I would get angry, cry and go on and on about feeling hurt or upset, this time around I responded in love. It's really hard. I'm not sure how so many people before me was able to conquer such hate with love. I always end of feeling stupid, thinking afterwards, "I should have said this, or I should have said that.."

All in all, this whole situation makes me better. As I've learned to mature, I see the tests more frequently. The random, total left field drama, the "where did this come from" behavior changes and even my own immaturity and pettiness.

It's a struggle, but I'm continuing to be the love I seek. I know that I expressed my desire to communicate better and that's all I can do. I've learned that a softer approach goes a longer way. So if it's not helpful now, I believe it will be helpful later.

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