Whenever I raise my hands to the heavens and ask "why?!", the ongoing answer seems to be karma.
Now, despite what you may believe, have heard, or gathered based on reading this space of mine, I'm not a terrible person. I don't intend on causing harm and though I can be petty, it's never with the hope of causing destruction in people's lives.
Am I immature? Certainly.
Am I growing? Progressively.
In the past, with several kinds of relationships, my way of solving, proving, and "showing" was to ignore, run and delete. I would block you. You wouldn't even exist to me anymore without a reason or explanation. I didn't think you deserved that and oh, I'd never allow you to explain what you thought or felt because it didn't matter. I figured, if you knew better, you'd do better! And here I am, years down the line, being treated the way I treated others. It hasn't really been so extreme as I've been in the past, but it's happened and it's really a life checking moment. I'm so glad I'm not that person anymore and to be honest, it helps me deal better with the people who behave that way. I stand corrected and let them deal.
It's given me a new outlook on life and really keeps me in line with being the love that I seek. I'm more open to the fact that people have different ways of dealing, living and experiencing life than I do. Being so quick to cut someone off and delete them for my own selfish reasons is just pretty terrible. I think once you're comfortable to know your boundaries of where and what you allow of this person, you can still life your life without any major altering.
Working on this murder show has really changed my perspective on things. But I'm learning and seeing everyday that life is so short. Why waste my energy, thoughts and happiness on something that isn't happening now. I no longer dwell in sadness and disappointments for anything in my life.
What have you been up to?
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