We all make mistakes. No one is perfect. We lie, cheat, omit information. We act petty, start fights, don't text back. We yell, blame, do things intentionally and sometimes not. I'm sure you get the point.
Lately, I've been bratty, selfish and naggy in A LOT of relationships in my life. I can not seem to stop being bratty, nagging and complaining. As a child, it was something that I had to read behavior books about - complaining. I just can't seem to control myself when I feel the urge or need to express how I feel about certain things. It's difficult for me because there are situations where I'm radio silent. You won't know how I feel and then there are others where I just won't shut up. I'm not saying that you shouldn't (or I shouldn't) express how you feel, but I think that tact and taste should be incorporated.
I haven't been incorporating those into my life and relationships.
AND I FEEL AWFUL.
One thing that I've grown to do as I've gotten older and more mature, is to hold myself accountable. I know when I'm behaving outside of myself and though I feel like it's okay in that moment of nagging, complaining or selfishness, almost immediately I feel terrible. I'm always the first one to extend the olive branch and apologize. I'm just so turned off from myself. I don't even want to be in my own skin at that moment. I can't imagine how the person on the receiving end is feeling. I, however, need to make sure that I don't stay in a state of self-loathe. I have to remember that we all make mistakes and we all have these moments.
Last night after a couple cups of tequila and club soda, I began to get all naggy with a certain someone. To the point that they didn't even respond to me. I'm sure he's used to it but even that makes me feel disgusting. No one should be used to that. I woke up this morning with the bible verse that says "A nagging wife is like dripping that never stops on a rainy day." (Proverbs 27:15) I remember, when I was reading the bible, thinking to myself, "gosh, I never want to be that." And here I am. Annoying.
I'm grateful for the experience because it's a lesson learned. No, I don't feel bad about what I was expressing because that's how I feel with or without the tequila, but the delivery and timing was terrible.
And I grow.
Thankful for the lesson and the embarrassment.
I am checked.