Monday, March 2, 2015

Just Say No.

I met this guy in December. This young guy who I honestly knew nothing would come of the new friendship, but it was necessary for me because I needed the innocent attention that he was so desperately giving up. (As we all do when we meet someone who is refreshing.) He isn't that much younger than me, he's 22 and I'm 25, but he was so immature and he pressured me CONSTANTLY about sex and being physical.

According to a couple of my friends, some coworkers and a handful of strangers, I should have kissed this guy by the 3rd date. We hung out about five times and each time, including the first date where I honestly only asked him to take me to the movies because someone else couldn't. He didn't even know what my occupation was before he was attempting to stick his tongue down my throat. He also didn't forget to mention that he didn't take girls out to the movies normally without being physical first. My first thought was great. Over our short time of chatting and a couple of dates, his immaturity about the physical just really got to me and ultimately got to him also.

What I found most odd about this, was the amount of flack that I got for not kissing the guy. I don't know, but I'm just not that kind of girl. Not saying that I'm not into kissing or anything but I just didn't want to give that to him. It takes a lot for me to want to cross that line. And it's so rare that I meet a guy that I'm physically attracted to. Am I wrong for not faking the funk and kissing someone just because they are being nice to me? Why should you get a reward for doing something basic like actually taking time to get to know me before you want to get to know my mouth and body?

I stopped talking to the guy on Valentine's Day. The week prior to the end (haha), I just needed some mental quiet time for myself. Working in Manhattan can be a lot on me. Sitting in an open spaced office, always listening to my cubicle mates - specifically this guy who LOVES Britney Spears and furthermore loves to sing EVERY SINGLE SONG the way she would sing it, commuting on mass transit, hearing the pings of new email and text messages alerts, it just becomes a lot. There's not really that much time of the day that truly belongs to only me. So I told him that I wouldn't be responsive to anyone that weekend and he felt some kind of way and ultimately coldly reacted to me. I'm honestly at a point in my life where I can't take anymore abuse. Being cold, harsh, crass, rude, disappearing without communication are things that I can't accept. So I haven't talked to him since Valentine's Day. It was no love lost on my behalf because I honestly felt like if he did something for me that was extravagant, then I would have had to kiss him which I know I would have ran for the hills. The guy tried to kiss me and I literally ducked and walked away from him.

Ugh, all I wanted was to go to the movies to see "Top 5" and make a new friend. Why do people blur the line of friendship? Why didn't he get the point that I wasn't interested in that? Why aren't I attracted to more people?!

What makes me the most nervous about all of this is that I just really hope I'm doing this right.
I pray every day that I'm not leading myself down the wrong path, picking up habits that are going to take me a while to reverse.

I want to be refreshing. Am I refreshing to you?
I want to be refreshed.

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