.blame it on the alcohol.

.so my friends and myself go out on friday night to have a little fun in boring Hampton and one of my friends gets pretty drunk. ok fine. i'm not babysitting you, if you plan on drinking then you should drink responsibly so that you don't abuse it and act a fool. she did not do that. she got drunk and started getting loud and wreckless in my face. ok well i was a little bit tipsy and whatnot so i wasn't really paying her any mind. she wanted to get loud and act a fool and so i let her embarass herself. while she was drunk she was saying a lot of things and talking out the side of her neck. ok fine. you're drunk but a lot of those things stuck out to me because she always states these issues when she's sober, stating im not a good friend, i don't have her back, i don't know her life. so being in the mindstate that i was in yesterday, i honestly didn't care what she was saying because i'm tired of it. if i'm such a bad person that you make me out to be then why don't you just leave me alone? why am i always the culprit when you're feeling some kind of way? i'm tired of bending over backwards to see what's wrong with you or trying to make sure that you aren't feeling like i'm ignoring you or not paying attention. it's way too much. i feel like being her bestfriend is becoming way more than it should be. we aren't in a relationship and sometimes i feel that way. it's a bit smothering. i don't even talk to nor surround myself with the boy i'm kicking it with like that. and then her bestfriend from back at home calls me telling me how much of a bad friend i am. i've been through so much with this girl and for to call her friend was ridiculous. i have to worry about keeping myself under control. it's not my fault that she didn't want to listen and abused her alcohol consumption. it just turned me off to the whole friendship. not the being drunk but just the actions. she left me at some guys house, drove home drunk and when i called her she cursed me out and told me she didn't care. she was drunk enough to talk to me any kind of way, but not drunk enough to be told about her actions? i'm done. there isn't much more to say or that can be said. i'm not going to cry and plead for a friendship where the person is making me seem bad, like huh? i'm not desperate for anyone's friendship and if i have to struggle with being on my own and finding my way because she is my main transportation, then that's going to be something i have to deal with. smh. i miss my bestfriends jaleesa and tamara. this college stuff isn't working. lol

.looking at that and experiencing it really made me see how much i don't like drinking. i mean it's such a dangerous thing and it truly changes people. it's so funny because i'm an advit watcher of "intervention" and then to experience something with someone who couldn't tell that she was drunk and truly believed that she was fine and justified for her arguments and reasons just amazed me. i don't know if i was calm and mellow about it because of amazement or because of something else. but it was just unbelievable. people have to know how much they are drinking and realize that noone is going to take care of you especailly when you behave like a dickhead. well let me rephrase that I'M NOT GOING TO TAKE CARE OF YOU ESPECAILLY WHEN YOU BEHAVE LIKE A DICKHEAD. i don't appreciate nor tolerate disrespect sober or drunk.