Friday, January 16, 2009

.torn in between the two.

.one of the hardest things in my opinion, is being torn in between two different friends. it's so hard to be yourself at times and i mean you want to please everyone but you have to realize that you can't. i have to realize that i can't please everyone. and i feel like i miss them both and the way that things used to be- though i was quite oblivious to the whole friendships and situations. maybe i just miss that ignorance of it all though. it was some of the best times of my life and i feel that me not being present in both of their lives, affects them. and in a way i feel good about that, that i actually impact people when i'm not around. i honestly didn't know that my presence in someone's life really made that much of a difference.

.awww i love all my friends even when they make me mad. maybe that's a bad thing. i tend to forgive people too much and too easily. but i don't understand difference. i hate the awkwardness of difference, so i'd rather just forgive and not forget, but sorta go back when everything was good. i like things to be easy. but then again, i can't please everyone and real talk i have to worry about pleasing me and doing what makes me happy. but is that being selfish in a friendship? because you have to make compromises with any friendship or relationship for that matter. ughhhhh. when did things get soo difficult?

.i wonder who i'll still be in contact with 10 years from now. will i look at this and say to myself boy was i young and dumb? or will i be in the same situations?-with the same people? wondering about the future is so much delightful rather than wondering about the present. there's so much hope in the tomorrow and so much to forget about today.

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