.heaven only knows why i'm struggling. it's so funny because most of my friends have no clue as of how hard it is for me. i come home from school to nagging about cleaning the house, going out, to bills not being paid, to cable not working, my cell phone is off and it makes me think well dag- what are you doing? this summer is definitely an eye opener because it's like umm im doing an unpaid internship so therefore i can't bring any heavy income into the house as i normally do, but am i really that depended on? it's insane. i have so much that's on my plate. trying to move into a new apartment and saving all the money that i can so that it goes towards that and it's like i can't take this. i need my mom to be there and support me but i have to support her. it's not fair to me that i'm worrying about the bills being paid. i shouldn't have to do this. i don't know how i'm going to survive this summer.
.when i have my children, and even if there is a misfortunate event that takes place in my life and i may be the sole provider for my children, i won't ever let them struggle. yes i may struggle and as a family we may be struggling, but i won't let it ever get to this point, where now im struggling because i honestly can't say "oh it's cool, the phone will only be off for an hour" no- the phone may be off for who knows when. AND IT'S THIS. THIS IS WHAT MAKES ME BE THE PERSON THAT I AM. I DEPEND ON NOONE TO GET ME THINGS AND GET ME PLACES BECAUSE ONLY I SEEM TO GET THINGS DONE.
.i need another vacation.