Saturday, November 21, 2009

.the unknown.

.within the past month, my school has encountered death face to face. one incident involved the capitan of the basketball team getting accidentally shot then after days of fighting, his family decided to let him go and most recently there was the death of a truly nice guy, who was actually one of my first friends at Hampton. He died in a freak accident and that really scared me.

`so monday i had an axiety attack. it was pretty scary. i kept breathing fast with short breathes, my heart was pounding, my hands were sweaty and shaky and i just had this fear over me as if something was going to happen and i was so afraid because number one i didn't identify what was happening to me as an anxiety attack and number two i still can't figure out what triggered it and why it lasted so long. I was extremely nervous and went through this for about 8 hours. all i could do was tell myself that it was going to be ok. i kept thinking about things that i knew that i couldn't fix and that's what made it worse. then i stumbled upon thinking about my friend who passed. and the thought of being here one day and gone the next is freaky. the fact that life slips into us just as fast it goes is unbelievable. and then once you are gone we have no clue what happens to us. i just pray to God and hope that I will make it to heaven and just be surrounded by love when I pass but what if that's not there and when it's over, it's truly over?

`i'm the kind of person that doesn't like the unknown. i hate playing this game of not knowing. pondering and wondering all the time isn't for me. this is why i don't like options or at least knowing there are different things that may happen

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