Monday, February 15, 2010

.and it kills me.

.Do you have any regrets?

`if this question was asked to me two years ago, i'd be crying and wallowing in my decision that made. and now that i look back on it, i realize that it wasn't a regret after all. that i'm ok with what i did because right there at that moment, it was what i wanted. it was a lesson learned. i didn't regret what i did, i just wished that response would have been different. but if it was different then i wouldn't have learned what i learned. i was hurt, so it's not regret. but i think the main reason why i said it was a regret was because i was thinking about the person that I could have hurt. -ugh the fact that i think ahead so much, unbeknownst to me, is bittersweet. i regretted it because i was afraid of hurting someone else. unselfish thinking got me no where.

`whatever. i said all that to say, that deep down we do have some regrets. they may be tiny or they may be large, but the bottom line is that you wish that you can run something back, somewhere down the line. and it's ok. i think that people should have little regrets. you know, you should have done this, or you wish you didn't do that. i think the regrets that matter the most are the ones that you make when you hurt someone else. like i regret doing something, because it hurt my friend -type of regret.

.it took me a long time to finally accept this "regret" of mine, and i take it back. i don't regret it anymore. i was hurt, i probably won't do it again, but i grew from it, and for that reason i'm content. besides i didn't hurt anyone from it.

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