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Monday, July 19, 2010

.uncertainty.

.withholding sex in relationships has been an experience. you see men come and go just as fast as they came. it's funny because i'll tell the guy straight up, i'm not having sex with you ANY time soon. like a while, and he disappears like 3 days after the conversation if not the very next day. but then there are some that stay. but the uncertainty that i'm facing, is are they staying because they are interested in pursuing me or are they going to put me in the friend category. i have no problem being a friend, but what if i'm digging you. i ultimately want respect and some guys give respect by sticking to being friends, but i don't want that. I was talking to a friend and he was telling me that though sex is 20% out of 100%, it's a big 20%. so where do i lie if i'm only giving you 80%. am i just a homie? i get that men enjoy sex and can often have sex with no strings attached, but i don't want to drive the guy into another bed, or drive him to bring someone into his bed because i don't want to give him any. but if that's the case, then he wasn't that important to pursue.

it's all weird. these thoughts were sparked up by a conversation i was having when asked if i would be a shorty/homegirl. i'm not confused by what my role is in that relationship no, but i do know that they are two different things. a shorty has a bit more over the homegirl who leans heavily towards the "just friends" side.

also, can you keep the feelings that you've had for a once physical relationship towards that person. is it true that those passionate feelings can still burn for that person if the physical is out? of course physical isn't everything, but to men it may be a lot.

.hmmmm.

4 comments:

jhodgebeats said...

Your problem is not that you are withholding sex for a certain amount of time. The problem lies in the fact that you are actually telling him your not going to have sex with him for a while. From the female side of The Game information like that needs to be kept to yourself. If he asks, you say "When the feelings are right" Having a predetermined timetable of when your going to have physical relations is just telling a guy, unconsciously, that your not about feelings and emotions, you are just trying to get what you want from him.(whatever that may be) And when it comes to a guy resorting to someone else, that is a risk you are taking by holding back physical relations. Remember the last thing a dude wants to hear is "no sex for..." It doesn't matter how long it is. As long as he thinks he is close to "gettin' some" he will keep pursuing you.

Amazing*Bianca said...

but as i said, there are some guys that stick around knowing that i'm not going to be physical. i don't like playing games, so i let it be known. i mean i don't just come out and say "hi i'm bianca, and i'm not boning you" lol but i do let that person know when i can see where the conversation begins to go and when the body signs show other things, that sex isn't an option right now. it's not about a time period without sex. it's when i meet someone who deserves my sex. when i'm in a relationship, that's when i won't have an issue.

jhodgebeats said...

It is not a literal game. It is just the term that is used to call what people do and say to each other during the reltionship building process. Do know that all sucessful relationships are the result of a Love Game of some sort. You play it but you just don't want to call it that. As far as the guys that "stick around." They are staying to give you an opportunity to prove that without sex, you can still make them happy. Now in that area, I can't give advice because all men are different. But my theory is that: At our age when a man meets a woman he has to "wait" for, he reaches a crossroad. "Do I need sex right away or, is that not as important as companionship" At 20 & 21 years old I would say 90% are going to need sex right away...

Amazing*Bianca said...

and i get that! we are young, who wants to settle down and be in a relationship? but i've done the only no relationship, just relations for a longggg time. like some years and i wasn't happy. so now i want to do things a little differently. i'm not going to make it all about me for the whole time, no, but i do want to be respected in my decision. so i'll wait until i'm in a relationship and if the guys who are sticking around, lose some grip, i understand. thanks Justin for reading and giving some new insight :) i hope you like what you've read so far.