Lately I've been upset at people for being "selfish" and trying to impose my own selfish wants and needs upon them. I'm not a selfish person and my good friend Elliott once told me that I attract selfish people and users because I'm the total opposite. The "ying to my yang". I've been focusing so much on the negatives and unhappiness in my life that I haven't really haven't sat down and be grateful for what I do have and what's happening for me.
Earlier this year, things got real, it hit the fan. I was really at my lowest, lonely, alone, and unhappy with my career life. Just a wreck and during that time, I had gotten so close to God. I was upset at the things that were happening but I learned to put all my faith and trust in Him. Now that I got some turn arounds and things are looking up in most areas, I'm still here complaining. I don't want to seem ungrateful and like a spoiled brat to God. I know that He knows that there are some things that I still want and need but I stopped taking the time out to thank Him and to truly be grateful and rely on him. It was like ok -thanks for doing this, now when is this coming? Rather than living in the moment (something I admire so much about myself) and truly experiencing and being happy with what I have.
I've been experiencing so many blessings and I am thankful and I am aware that there are things that are still on my list that my heart desires. It's not all about the ending result but about the climb to reaching that result. If I don't have anything to look forward to, what's the motivation? If I get everything handed to me at 22 years old, what's going to continue to push me. My big blessing and true desire will come soon. I know it will and honestly, I feel super calm about it all. I know that it's coming and I know what I deserve. God has been so good to me and I thank Him for what I have.
Andddd lately I've been finding money! Thanks for that too God!