.what comes up, must come down.

.i'm a firm believer in karma. what you put out in the universe will come back to you. it's a scary thought but it's the [truth]. yea it may not come at you as heavily as you put it out there or it may not come back at you as soft as you thought it would but the bottom line is that it's coming. it's sad but i see a lot of people's bad karma coming back to get them. and it's not that i was sitting around waiting for the karma, but i knew this day would come and furthermore, i knew i'd just be sitting back watching it unfold. you can't purposely hurt someone or do something out of jealous and not expect everything to fall. come on you should know better than that. karma is serious and it's out there and yea she feels good in the beginning, but she will be right back to make it hurt. i'd rather sit back and watch karma unfold rather than go out there and seek revenge myself.

`karma really keeps me in check. when i have my little feelings and plans of getting people back, i realize that i have to stop and let the universe take it's course. it's so much better that way. there i'm not setting a trap for me to blindly walk right into.

.when you find you; come back to me.

".the moment you start analyzing your feelings is the moment you start having second thoughts."

`me.

.i love me. i just answered and resolved all my doubts. this is why i flow. i feel like in the end, everything will work out best for me. I have the ultimate faith in God. He has my back.

:)

.i can't wait for the first time.

"any relationship built only on physical attraction is destined to be short lived"
-Ziglar

.nickel for your thoughts.

Why is love intensified by absence?

Because when you're around, when you're not with me, the longing in my heart becomes overwhelming making my love for you grow deeper. Putting a hole in my heart that can't be fixed by anyone but you. When I don't talk to you, when I don't feel you. My mind searches for you justifying my..love for you. Justifying that..I..am..in..love..with you.

.got me running around in circles over you.

.life is truly one big circle.

.A lot of the decisions I make are me just trying to find ways to avoid making the same mistakes. I'm trying not to fall into the same poor, selfish, lustful choices. I'm trying to set new habits, go down new paths, meet new people but I've realized that I'm still going along that same circle, its just bigger so it takes some time to get back to that thing, person, or event I tried to avoid. I'm not proud that I make the same pathetic mistakes, but I'm proud that my circle has gotten wider and that it takes time to get to that mistake and it goes by much faster than before.

.touchin you; touchin me.

.so today I read a horoscope for sagittarius (only thee best sign) and it said something along the lines of me constantly wanting the physical and to be patient about it; that all people will think I want is physical and not them in a serious matter.

.Now first and foremost let me state this e x t r e m e l y* important fact. I'm not a whore;hoe;loose;promiscuous. I don't give my body out to anyone. I've only kissed like seriously kissed 7 guys the most.

.But I am a sagittarius and now that I think about it, most of the things I talk about is something along the lines of being physical. It doesn't necessarily mean I'm inquiring about their sex, but I want to know what if this or what if that. Does that make me obsessed with the physical? Am I giving out that impression that's all I'm about and all I want? I mean its not but sexuality and physicalness (if that's a word) fascinates me. The being of it is so wonderful and personal and hungry. I think its a beautiful thing. So I inquire about it. I think about it. I may even want it. But just because I want it doesn't mean I'll actually have the guts to go forth and pursue something like that. That's gross.

.This guy told me he doesn't kiss unless he's in love and I respect that one hundred percent. Kissing is such a passionate thing. With the right person. I've definitely learned the difference between that. Just simply kissing to kiss and kissing to share desire. -but I wonder with that dude, how many girls has he kissed? Like 2?. Ha ha. Cuz you can't give your love out like that. I don't think I have love in my heart for more than 2 guys. I'm only giving my heart 2 just in case the first one messes up. (Like he has already smh)

.Idk that just bothered me. Lol like geeez being me is bittersweet I guess. I mean I'm honest but I guess I have to hold back on my curiosity. Who knows?

.do i want you because you're wonderful- or are you wonderful because i want you.

. we can't and we must not confuse ourselves with hmm how can i say this... we can't just go after someone because we emotionally want someone, physically want someone, or mentally. just because you feel a void in your life and you want a female or a male to fill that void, you must remember to keep your eyes open. we can't go into things strictly with our hearts and our mind thinking about what this new found love or new interest will bring. don't be blinded by the things that they hide, what some things may be brought to your attention time and time again. we can't be dumb!

.i've noticed a lot of times when we get hurt in relationships or situations, it's actually our own faults. we just decided to see things and not see things. and we can't do that. not saying that there won't be arguments and trials but forreal, you have to look out for the best interest in you. take time to figure out what you want before you go into something thinking they are giving you want you need and then fall deep into something thinking you're not alone, when you actually dug the hole for yourself.

.don't be afraid to love- i'm not saying that and don't put up a huge wall that detaches yourself emotionally because that will get you nowhere and alone, but just be smart. remember the pain that you once felt, remember the signs that you ignored and then grow to love. and also keep in mind, not everyone is like him or her that hurt your feelings. sometimes they are better than that other person and sometimes they may even be worse.

.please friends becareful. i see this a lot. don't make this person wonderful and bomb just because you want them. think are they reallllly wonderful without me?

.if you don't want me then don't talk to me.

.so i have a friend who was telling me about an issue of hers. she constantly forgives those who hurt and her and do her wrong but she often feels that once she forgives people, they quickly go back into their comfort zone. and she doesn't really know how to feel about that or accept that. she asked me what do i think about it and i mean i can strongly relate but i'm not sure what i exactly think, because even though i'm bothered by the thought of everything, i do find myself time and time again, not being strong and letting everything happen all over again.

.all i can say is that you need to get to a place where you're tired of getting walked all over. guys do what they do, simply because they can, and we let them. that disgusts me. that you can let someone subconsciously take advantage of you because they know the kind of person that you are. and you won't stand up for your hurt feelings. ugh. that makes me disgusted with myself for forgiving people for the dirtiest things that they've done and go on and continue to think of them the same way that i did before. am i weak minded? is that i need them in my life? clearly they don't need me if they aren't acting like it. just as i said before, let the man chase you, then why am i tapping him, asking him to chase me. i say just to detach yourself from that person or those people and just live your life. if you want something bad enough you'd go after it, but that has to be on both parts. why show interest in someone that isn't giving it all the way back. that is what i'm going to do and i hope that i can help my friend at the same time, and she'll find the courage to do it through my experiences. and maybe it's time to just let go. let go of that person because maybe they just let go of you. it's not as easy as it seems but it will get done.

.im just fighting temptation.

.so my friend asks me what's wrong with her, why is she so weak? she's had a couple of interactions with some guys that she doesn't know and it's just slobbing faces, touching and feeling but yet she feels that she's not that strong enough to say stop. i realllly don't know what to say about this situation and she asked me if i thought she was easy. and i don't want to give that title to anyone and no i don't think she's easy but she does need control that urge to possibly jump that person's bones without really knowing them. but the question is, how do you really fight temptation. i know personally the fight is STRONG, TOUGH, and REALLY CLOSE!

the definition of temptation is enticement or allurement.

.it's sooo very hard to turn down something enticing. especially when it calls your name from all over and it looks soo good but IT'S BAD! it's always bad to fall into temptation with someone that you don't know. you could be putting yourself at risks, and even though you deal with the fustrations of not giving it and getting that good feeling, you don't want to do anything that will damage you emotionally and physically. that's all i can say, that's the best advice i can give. lol i don't want to say do this when i do that. it's so hard to fight temptation. not too hard down here at Hampton, but it's still a struggle, there are a couple of cute guys. but even though it may be innocent kissing you never know what guys are saying. they gossip as much as girls and however minutes of pleasure you get from feeding into the temptation, it's not worth the other mess. i like to feel like this person truly wants me, not just wants me so he can get what he wants then bounce. but there is one person that i'll always give into the temptation too and that's hella dangerous. i'm scared lol.

.bottomline is ladies, being easy is something that noone besides yourself can tell you. and yes it looks good, becareful. if you don't know him don't let him get that special stuff. it's special whether you've been with 1 guy 2 or even 10 guys. it's still something that should be kept a little bit longer than a day or a couple of texts. that's just what i do and how i think. i don't judge my girls that do what they have to do. lol. it's a cloudy forecast down here in Hampton. well at least where i stay. lol

.life ain't always what it seems to be.

.have you ever found yourself wondering what's truly going on in that person who is always smiling? that person who seems like they have everything under control? that person who seems like they have everything?

.a smile hides a lot. not everyone is as happy as their smile may make them appear.


[title from Missing You by Bad Boy Family- qouted directly from Puff Daddy]

.can't wear skinny jeans cuz my knots don't fit.

.i know that i'm probably the trillionth person to say or talk about this, but it's truly killing me!! why is the world obessed with looking like everyone else? why do we woman force ourselves into becoming what our society views as beautiful or acceptable? when does our opinion of ourselves truly matter? why must we have to change our image and body size to please the eyes of others, but not the eyes that we come in contact with more than anyone else's. [OUR EYES FOR THOSE WHO DON'T LOOK IN THE MIRROR EVERYDAY] we are the one's that see ourselves the most, so why is it so hard to please ourselves yet so easy to change our self perception to try to fit in with others?

.lately i've been dealing with trying to make my body acceptable to what everyone around me is. going to school and looking at the desired girls or the popular one's made me subconsciencely think that i had to slim down some to fit in? that's the wackest thing i think i could ever think of. i'm beautifully and wonderfully made. and so what if these guys aren't concerned with me and my looks, i'm here for education, and even when i leave school, i have someone who loves me for me and that's all that matters. i just think it's sad that people are trying to make themselves be that size 2 or 0 because their favorite model or actress or personality is that size. and even though many people have these desires subconsciencely, it's still PATHETIC. we need to learn to appreciate the beauty that we are given.

.i've made the decision to work my hot bod to the fullest, and just appreciate what i have. i'm impressing myself. right now noone else's opinion about my looks will matter, whether they say it or not. i congrat those few people who wear what they want despite what people say or think. they are the ones whom people should look up to. they are true lovers of themselves, and not the world. i feel that when you learn to appreciate yourself, God truly smiles down on you. how can you hate what God has made? not saying to abuse your body by allowing yourself to get unhealthy, but God loves us the way we look, why can't we? God is the one who truly matters in the end.

.i just hope that those people who are obsessed, find love.

[title from swagger like mine by T.I.- quoted directly from JiggamanHOV]

.you are not alone-i am here with you.

.why is it that people fear being alone? i never really quite understood that. we were born into this world alone so there has to be times when we are alone. why do people feel the need to be in a relationship at all times. i'd love to be in the whole relationship thing and blah blah blah but it is when you are alone and thinking to yourself; that you figure out who it is you really are. you have noone else to face and be around so you deal with the imperfections of yourself, and the greatness of yourself and you learn from there.

.from my experience from being alone, i've learned to just sit back and watch the world. i've learned what it is that i truly like to do; i've learned to distinguish what Bianca likes and not what her friends like her to like; and that's the most important thing i've taught myself. a lot of people deal with the issue of pleasing others;whether they know they are intentionally doing it or not, pleasing others is a big part of our society. but why? why must we please another when at the end of the day when we go to sleep and close our eyes, there is only one person left in your head and that's YOU! those people that you chose to please aren't there with you. you are by yourself and no matter what you will always have me, myself and i. why please the world when the world will change and can leave you, but there will always be you?

stay true to yourselves young grasshoppers. why be like everyone else when there is only one you. live your roll to it's fullest. you are the star in your movie. get that oscar. shoot that's what i'm going to do with my movie life that i live.

[title from You are Not Alone by Michael Jackson- qouted directly from the great MJ]

.what's it gonna be?-cuz i can't pretend.

.many times we find ourselves lying to the most important person that matters; us*. why do we continue to go on and tell ourselves things are one way when we know they aren't, or even if we feel a certain way, we tell ourselves that we don't. when will we be able to stop pretending and be what we really are? i found myself thinking about this while i took a JOURNEY* to hampton and i've discovered that i have been guilty of pretending.

pretend:to appear falsely, as to deceive

.if at the end of the day when you close your eyes to sleep you are alone. why must you pretend with yourself? it seems funny that one would deceive themself but yet it happens all the time. i've pretended time and time again not to care, or that i'm a certain person that i'm not and i've discovered that pretending is wack! i've learned throughout the past 2 years that pretending is something that i will no longer do. if i'm being treated one way; i'm not going to pretend that it doesn't bother me, or i won't pretend that i like something when i actually don't.

but when will you stop pretending? when will you just let the real you live? why hold what you really love and who you really are inside because of fear? just be you. at the end of the day, you are all you have..

[title from What's It Gonna Be? by En Vouge -qouted directly from En Vouge]