.I am so blessed.

I got a job in my field. I'm so happy. I've been so hard on myself, depressed, and down these months since I moved back to Jersey. I honestly felt like nothing was going to happen for me. I had major downfalls, disappointments and rejects in both my personal and professional life. It was completely tough for me. I cried all the time. However, I always remained prayerful and thankful and honestly, things really happen on God's time. He is so good and I'm so thankful for my blessing.

This is just the beginning! I've been praying for and imagining this moment happening for me for a while and here it is. All I can think is "Is this real life?", "Did I make it?" When I first got the news, I cried for two days. I wanted this so bad that it hurt. It's all I think about. And here it is.

God is so good.

Now all I need to do is celebrate!!

.A song you could listen to all day without getting tired of.

I know I'm late!!!

I love this guy and these songz ;-)






:D

.A song that you danced to with your best friend.

2007 before I graduated high school.

`the good days.

Crank Dat- Soulja Boy

:D

I was having a bad morning. But this brightened me up!

hahahaha



This man really keeps me entertained.

.A song that you cannot stand to listen to.

ugh



I don't even want to type the song title.

.Day 22.

A song that someone has sung to you.

Grenade- Bruno Mars


My boy Nikki sang this to me.

.Your favorite song.

Every song is pretty much my favorite song. This is pretty tough for me so, according to the most plays on my iPod/iTunes, the winner is

"Jupiter Love" Trey Songz

.put ya name on it.

So Rihanna and Chris Brown have come out with a raunchy song that some say is subliminal to their current relationship status. I usually can care less about celebrity hook ups but being that this situation is so highly publicized due to their misfortune a couple years back, I have an opinion. Most people are upset that they are potentially back together or upset at the fact that they are seen together and are making music together. I think it's not our business, but being that they are celebrities and without public infatuation, their success wouldn't be, the world is forced and super intrigued to see how this plays out.

I love it. I think that they should do whatever makes them happy. Now as a young woman who can openly admit to being in love with someone before, I can say that (in my situation) though he did some things that I didn't like and my friends hated, I went back to him. People are going to mess up and yes Chris Brown's mess up was a bit much and uncalled for, it's still a mess up. The same people that are going so hard about how dumb Rihanna and Chris are for their current condition are hypocrites because they know damn well if their first love came back to them after a period of time, still showing love and even shows change (not saying I see any change in either Chris' or Rihanna's attitude towards each other), they would gladly take them back with open arms. I say this from a familiar place. Imagine how those two felt. A huge reason why they weren't together was because of what every one else didn't want to see. I'm so hopeful and excited about young love. You rarely see the couple that grew up together, stick it through. Someone else always gets the benefits of the struggle you endured with someone else and that is ok. Cool. Lesson learned, growing experience. But what happened to those couples with years under their belt. That stuck it out or tried despite what everyone thought? That didn't just let that person walk away. That forgave each other and talked and tried. What happened to the couple that tried?

I'm just being honest.

.Up at Stadium, in DC.

I went away for the weekend! It was a very short trip, but it was much needed to clear my mind and my emotions. No, it wasn't to Trinidad for carnival, which I WISH I COULD HAVE GONE TO!!, I ended up in the Nation's capital. I had such a good time. I didn't do much but it was so good just to get out of Jersey. Just walking around a new place and seeing new faces was good enough for me. And let me say, there were a lot of nice faces to see! One thing about DC, is that the women there have such great style and the men are just GORGEOUS! But there's a lot of undercover guys and if I'm not mistaken, the HIV rate is SUPER HIGH out there, so it wasn't one of those trips where I was choosing or trying to get chose. As always, I was simply admiring the scenery. We went to a cute restaurant for drinks and dinner and ended up at Stadium where to a HUGE surprise to me, but not to a lot of my fellow MALE classmates, there was a girl who I went to school there dancing. I've always heard stories of how people come across a friend from school who dances, but I wouldn't think I would come across one. She wasn't really a friend, but she stayed down the hall from me freshman year, and we've definitely had enough interactions where she knew who I was, just like I knew who she was. Nevertheless, I had a good time. We went as a spur of the moment, cross this off the bucket list type of thing. A lot of people I went to school with were there as well. Like one big Hampton reunion. That was funny because everyone walked in and was like "what are YOU doing here" haha. What did we expect honestly? Especially after Drake mentioned it in a song, everyone is about to start going to that club. Juelz Santana and T.I. showed up that night as well. They must of heard I was in town. ;-)

"Oh you dance? Dance like how? Like ballet and shxt?"

hahaha man Drake is a funny guy.

.The last song alphabetically in your iPod/iTunes.

I left my iPod at home today! :( so I THINK this is the last song.

"Zodiac" - Ryan Leslie




SUCH A GREAT ARTIST!!! I've seen him perform twice and this man is a crazy performer lol pretty funny. But I'm always laughing at someone or something.

Day 18 & 19.

A song that you love but rarely listen to

"I'm Like a Bird" - Nelly Furtado




The first song alphabetically in your iPod/iTunes

"ABC" Jackson 5

.A song that makes you want to dance.

Slave For You- Brit Brit




!!!

.Say what?!.

Is this accurate?

.A song that has made you cry.

Melt My Heart To Stone- Adele


`for my heartbreak

Never Dreamed You'd Leave In Summer- Stevie Wonder


RIP Chaz. `for when my heart shattered.

I really miss my friend.

.A song you love singing along to.

If you know me, then you know that just about EVERY song is MY SONG and I can't help but to loudly sing along. I have tried to be discreet with my singing, but I'm just so often moved that I can't do otherwise haha. (How dramatic did that sound?)

Got to Get it - Sisqo *YES!!!*


LMAO!!! but today was the first time in YEARS that I've seen this video. AYO! Sisqo was on top of the world during this time? hilarious. The funniest part of it all, is that he's serious.

The song that's tied with this is "Ring The Alarm" by Beyonce, but I couldn't find it on youtube. :(

.A song that reminds you of your boyfriend.

First off let me say Happy Valentine's Day to all of the lovers out there. I hope you have a wonderful day making each other feel all good inside :)

I don't have a boyfriend nor do I have someone that I'm "talking to" or that I'm "not official" with. So there's no song to post for the day.


I don't have a Valentine either and that's cool. I'm not mad or depressed about it lol It's just another day really. Not that serious. I find it funny though to see so many people upset about this day on twitter. Why do you hate it so much? Just relax, read a book, drink some wine and you'll be good! Trust me, I know from experience haha.


Seriously. Enjoy your day. It's not the end of the world if you're alone tonight.

xox

.A song that reminds you of a former friend.

Single- NKTOB



This song brings me back to sophomore year at Hampton University. There was this one girl who I hung out with. She was cool and all but she was a little possessive and I'll just keep it at that. I do think of her every now and then though but I think I burned that bridge. I'm not saying that I want to be BFF's with her, but I would like to reach out to say hi and I know she'll have an indifferent attitude about it. She had problems letting go. lol

This brings me to the whole "burning bridges" thing. Recently, as in superbowl weekend, a "friend" of mine, burned the bridge of our relationship. Like completely and honestly, I've been praying heavily to find a place in my heart to purely forgive him for what he did to me, I can easily see myself NEVER speaking to him again. Walking past him on an empty street, not even looking his way as if he never existed and most importantly as if our friendship and what we shared never existed. Boom. Easy. He's done and erased. But then there are some friendships where it's so easy for me to forgive. There's this one friendship where I've been let down and hurt and blatantly told the cold truth, yet I can't get enough! My pride is too big to reach out with my usual "hi" text especially in this situation. I don't think I'll get a response and my ego wouldn't take that lightly. lol I didn't choose to end the friendship, they did, so I would really look like a fool trying to text or even tweet them. But it's soooo harddddd!!!! There's so much that I want to share and say and laugh about. I want to share something with them daily like I used to. But whatever. It's something that they wanted and I respect their wishes.

It just feels like some friendships will never end.

.The Last Song You Heard.

Oh Whitney..

RIP
:'(



Man this song and "I will Always Love You" touch my soul.

smh devastating.

Prayers go out to her and her family especially her babygirl.

.Then I go my own way, you think about me all day.

.A song on the soundtrack of your favorite movie.

Love Jones

Maxwell-Mellosmoothe


RUNNER UP*

One Jump Ahead



What's your favorite song on your favorite movie??

.You're a mean one Mr. Grinch.

So my mom is back !!(yaaay thank God) She's been back for about a week and everything is pretty normal but last night she came in around 3am. (It should have been reversed but that's another entry lol) And though that's not a problem, she is in fact a grown woman, she came in loudly on the phone, waking up me and my dog, causing him to bark frantically and on top of being on the phone, she had it on speakerphone and was walking around the house laughing while this man was screaming at the top of his lungs. I had to be at work early today. I picked up some Saturday shifts and I am terrible sleeping habits. Its really hard for me to fall asleep. It takes me way longer than the average 7 minutes it takes the usual person. On top of all of this, I don't have a room so it's not like I'm secluded in my sleeping area. So I yelled that I had to work in the morning and if she could be a bit more considerate. When my mom was working, we had to be completely quiet. I wouldn't dare walk in at that time and then be loud and turn all the lights on! That's OD. But when it comes to me, nope it doesn't matter. It's just Bianca. So this morning, she woke me up before my alarm clock and then I heard her talking about me to her friends. I HATE WHEN MY MOTHER DOES THAT. Like I see red and I feel the fumes coming out of my body whenever I hear her chatting away about things happen because she always makes me out to be that bad guy. ALWAYS. Then she tells me how none of her friends like me. She was telling her friend that I just opened the door and started screaming at her because I heard that she was talking to her boyfriend. (She thinks I don't like him when it fact, I could really care less about the relationship unless he does something OD) So when I heard that I went in her room and said no you came in at 3am talking loudly with the speakerphone on while I had to wake up at 730 for work this morning. Stop making me seem like the bad guy. She got mad and yelled at me and then I left. Yea I have an attitude problem at times just like the next person, but please don't be inconsiderate!

I can't stand an inconsiderate person. Think about how you want to be treated before you go and mess up my day.

I wish I had a sleep over buddy. Yea I spend the night with Nikki like all the time, buttttttt it would be nice to have someone else lol.

Hungry?

I sent this pic to my mom haha. They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

.A song by your favorite band.

Yellow- Coldplay



Runner Up

Nothing Lasts Forever- Maroon 5

.A Song that makes you hopeful.

LOL

Ye's Workout Plan

.A song that reminds you of your "first love".

HAHAHAHA.

I was in love with this boy from 4-8th grade. LOL This Colombian boy. He was so short, but I was in love. We rode the same bus together and he was a year older than me. My school was super small so we went on numerous band/choir trips together -I was in the chorus and he played the trumpet. But he never spoke to me. I was pretty ugly in elementary/middle school and he was a fresh boy and OF COURSE I'M A GOOD GIRL! I couldn't imagine "making out" in 8th grade. (yea I grew up late lol) Ahh I love him. I would write his name in all my books and get nervous when he's walk by. His name was Kristian. I remember one day I was writing on the foggy mirror in the bathroom "I Love Kristian" and when my mom walked in I hurried and wrote "I Love being a Christian" lmaooooo. Those were the good old days. I saw him for the first time in years this past summer and he looked like eh. lol guess love doesn't last forever.

Obsession- Aventura. -yea I'm on my spanish flow too ;-)


Does this even count as my first love?? The kid ignored me except for like 3 occasions. Oh my goodness I remember when my best friends got him to take a picture with me during his 8th grade graduation. I look BEYOND awkward and scared. LMAO oh my goodness.

.never gonna break up.

I've been listening to a lot of Ryan Leslie, Adele, Mr. Hudson, Frank Ocean && of course Trey Songz lately.


"Hi".

I fight the urge everyday.


I need to move out of New Jersey.

That may be a bit extreme, but I'm used to leaving. I have urges to get up and leave and there's definitely nothing left in Jersey for me...not anymore. Hopefully in 2 years I'm out of here. I definitely need a vacation. That's for sure.

Keeping positive though :) It's tough now but I remind myself that it's also tough for you and that keeps me going on.

Don't forget me.

I've been re-reading the book of Proverbs. I really love that book in the bible. Good read and encouragement.

Adele First Love; good one.

It's like whenever I want to give in, I see something that keeps me in the place I'm in now. Who wants to be the fool? This isn't my doing. I have to remember that.

Random but I wonder if people ever miss me. How often do you think of me? Do you miss me a lot? Do you wish I was there? Ehh probably not lol

yeah. I need to move.

.A song that reminds you of the past summer.

Oh My

.A song that reminds you of a best friend.

Curty loves this song. haha

This is How We Do It- Montell Jordan

.A song that is often stuck in your head.

Sunday Morning- Maroon 5




-------

this was the WORST weekend. TERRIBLE. all i can do really is just shake my head now that I sit back and think about it. It's crazy..while I was sick (because just about everything happened to me this weekend), all i can do was blame one person. While I was mad, I still blamed that person. While I was faking, I blamed that person. It's all their fault. and they had absolutely nothing to do with it.

someone had to be blamed!! this weekend was not in my horoscope lol

I had a superbowl party. It was eh. I don't even really find football that exciting. Well today I didn't. It's always good the last 2 minutes. I'm just glad the main focus is basketball! I love basketball. <3

.A Song That Calms You Down.

How appropriate.

In a Sentimental Mood- John Coltrane

.second time around.

Just a little quick insert in between my music challenge.

Last night, I saw something and snapped. I'm actually in shock that this happened. I didn't put the idea past me, but to see it.. I can't do it anymore. I tap out.

I need some me time. I need time to heal. I need to be honest with myself and not try to patch up bruises with a quick fix. I need to let my wounds heal. One thing about women, we always know what we don't want and never seem to know what we want. I was just going down the wrong path and I had to stop myself. Seriously. It was about get really bad.

No more temporary dating or pretending to go through the motions just because that's what I wanted with someone else.

I'm not interested in anyone but myself.

It really makes me wonder about people who jump from relationship to relationship. It's impossible for me. No matter how hard I try to fake the funk. It's just too uncomfortable for me.

I need to leave New Jersey.

.A song that reminds you of one/both your parents.

Funny. I've never asked my parents what "their song" was or what song reminds them of each other. I'll have to ask that later.

My mom.
Tell Me- Groove Theory. My mom is definitely the reason for my SUPERB taste in music. We used to sing this song together ALLLLL THE TIME!!


My dad.
Clocks- Coldplay (Salsa Version) My dad is always spicing things up lol. But he loves this song.

.A song that reminds you of your most recent ex-boyfriend.

PAHHHH!!!

This is hard. I'd say 60 percent of my iPod reminds me of him. The fact that I remember everything especially songs doesn't help either lol.

Eh whatever. Here we go.

I remember the first time he played this for me. Honda Civic Coupe Days lol
Pillow Talk- Kid Cudi



Runners Up!

Another Again- John Legend


Then
Devil In A New Dress- Kanye West



:-* xoxox

25 Days!

So I'm doing a challenge! Time to spice up this blog.

Day 1. A song from your childhood.



Spice Girls "Wannabe"
I can't say that I lived without them and this song. Spice Girls were everything to me growing up.

"GIRL POWER!"

;)

.Even your very best friend tried to warn me on the low.

I have a friend whose ex-boyfriend just won't give up on her. She is with someone else now and he keeps apologizing and he even told her "even if I have to wait 50 years, I will." Now some people may think that's crazy and a bit much, but I admire it. Seeing him fight for it and put his pride to the side is admirable. He's not denying how he feels and he let's her know. That just shows me that romance and chivalry isn't dead. At a young age, our perception of dating, love, and even romance can be tarnished but it's all an experience.

Maybe it's just me but I never give up hope. I always leave room for "the chance". Maybe I watch too many movies but I feel like if it's for real, it's forever and you won't give up, and you'll fight for it. Of course you have to come to the point where you see of you are the only one fighting or you see if you need to let it go. Hmm maybe I just love craziness. I'd love to have someone fight for me. When you make someone crazy, that shows they love you. Right? Hmm I think it truly excites me because I'm so passive and I'm attracted to guys who don't take off their cool. I'm always guessing.

Fight for me!!! lol