.oh please.

.so i was so very tempted to touch on this subject but who cares, THIS IS MY BLOG, so i shall write and say whatever it is i'd like.

.to Ms. Edie V.
`yes i had extremely strong feelings towards you last year because just as i wasn't the person you thought i was, neither were you. i stood by you when you made a decision that i would never make nor do i stand for. you told me i had bad character and all of that crap, you didn't even talk to me during christmas break last year because you wanted to see if our friendship was worth it. you are not my man, you aren't even a man. so for me to feel a certain way about it on MY BLOG is definitely fine and dandy. however; as i do with everyone who means or meant something special to me, i forgive yet i don't forget. i think it's petty to sit around and look and act dumb around eachother. if i see you i'll speak, my mother taught me better than that. there's no reason for you to come onto my blog, invade* my world, and comment on a post to give me your opinion. all i said was hello, that's all i needed from you. any forms of communication after this. "i don't need it". never knew you even existed on blogger, and here you are, in my world with access to everything i think. if you want nothing to do with me, stay out of it then.

....
sorry folks, but i don't like when people have something to say about something they weren't even invited to. anyone can read my blog sure but don't comment on some crap talking about it's petty and don't be the bigger person and blah blah blah you don't need it. just go on about your business. whenever you look at me i'll speak, i may be mean, may have a terrible character, two-faced and all that crap you like to add onto my name but i'm not rude, i do have manners. just leave me alone. let me write about what i want. i wasn't even thinking about you that much when i wrote it. ughh.
you guys will never see this again. i only posted it since she invaded my space.
....

.im goin in.

.first this is about getting things off my chest. so you don't have to read it if you don't like.

.so a lot has been bothering me lately & if you don't read my blog ill probably be telling you this soon.

.How you gonna come at me and blame me for everything? Constantly in my business searching for something I won't tell you. Obviously I'm not sharing my life with you for a reason. There is a negative motive behind what you do and its evident right now. Jealousy is written all over your face. Blaming me for something that you chose to do. I was burnt not you, they did it to me* you played the victim while I forgave because I knew what her place was to him and she can't hold a candle to me, yet you did otherwise and blame me? Get outtta here with all that. I'm really close to just getting over your life point blank period. Blood is thicker than water but your anemic, ya blood is looking real thin right now.

.Why are you upset about my relationship with her? Its not my fault that we get along as we do. Despite what you believe or even what you do, she makes the effort that you don't. Its all about effort-well at least for me, and she makes it therefore I kick it with her more often.

.Yo I swear if I hear one more disrespectful thing about Michael Jackson I'm going to go off. So what you didn't like him, I did. So what you weren't a fan, I was. I bet you don't want me to start pissing you off, I reallly doubt that's something you seriously want to do. So back off.

.So you really want me to move on? Please be certain with your motives and words because anything is possible. I may end up totally alone without ever experiencing anything like I have with you, with anyone else, but I'd be done. I can be alone and over you. Simple.

.et tu brute.

.shaking my head.


Sometimes you don't know who or what to trust and its sad especailly when you've been made the fool and believed the wrong thing and let someone down.

.someone told me I disappointed them and I hate that. I never want to be a disappointment because I've been disappointed and let down so many times.

But et tu brute?
`seriously?

.the girls are talking.

.so is it just me? or am i even like this?

.i pay a lot of attention to the small details that people have about them. i peep the things that most people wouldn't think that i should see, or saw. and lately i've been paying attention to a lot of females and what they say and how they think. i really can't grasp the concept of talking about another female, calling her ugly, and all these other names. i mean forreal forreal, who made you Queen Bee of this hive of life? like forreal? i mean people are entitled to their own opinions and that's perfectly fine, but females are constantly judging eachother. there's always a comment about how this girl looks or how that girl dresses. i mean forreal that just displays ugliness. and real talk, who are we to determine what's acceptable or pretty? i don't even think that there is a set definition for pretty. i mean yea you can look it up and it means [pretty-having conventionally accepted elements of beauty] but there is no concrete definition that describes to the TEE what you are supposed to possess to be "pretty". i don't understand that about females. why are we so negative towards eachother? that's just awful. it doesn't make sense and it's truly uncalled for. why are you taking the time out to discuss that about someone? what's wrong with you? do you deep down have to feel a certain way or say things like that to boost yourself up? smh.

.being a female is a wonderful and beautiful thing, but it's things such as that, that we display, that makes me feel like ugh. because deep down, i know that someone is out there judging and laughing at me just like the people that i know do. evil. it's all pretty evil. i know i don't possess such qualities, but i have fallen short and made comments. i just hope to get that wackness out of me. ya know? cool.

.and a real woman knows a real man.

.UGH!. so let me telllllll you about this BOY who is just a disgrace. first of all i have a nintendo wii and a guitar hero. i told my roommates from the jump that i need to be asked or notified every time someone used it. that didn't happen and now my guitar is broken. i was at work when the whole thing went down but basically my roommate and the guy both admitted to playing the guitar so i told them they have to buy me another guitar. but basically to make a long story short, he's putting the whole blame on my roommate. not even living up to the fact that he did indeed play my guitar and contributed to it being broken. i offered to pay 40 dollars out of the 100 and let him and my roommate split it down to 30 each. this broke, disgusting, disgrace OF A NIGGA is like basically i can't afford it and i'm not trying to pay for it. i'm like i'm taking the L because i'm putting in 40 dollars when the last time i really played was in february. smh. my mom told me that i shouldn't have let people use my thing and i always kinda sidetracked it because i don't like to be the mean person and say no, but now i'm saying NO. forreal forreal. like im sorry you're so interested in the things that I have, but if you really want to play it, go to walmart or target and hop on that demo, because when things break-niggas can't live up to their responsibilities. ugh. that really just blew me. he's like he's my homie and that's why he called me to talk about it. PLEASE! that's just a mess. i feel sorry for him and i wished him a good life, but i'm afraid he's going to end up alone and miserable because of the way that he is. lol i'm not just saying that because he's not going to pay for the guitar, but because of how close-minded he is. && then he's about to fight these girls at this big party the other night? and instead of moving away fromt he girls he gets into a fight with, this nigga goes back over there and starts dancing in their face.

ugh.

lost another person to say hellllo to.

.breakdown.

.AAAAAAAAHHHHHH!. i've been so overwhelmed with so much lately. i seriously need a vacation, some time alone, a break. it's getting out of control. right now life is just coming at me all kinds of ways. i have homework assignments i'm missing, tests that i'm not doing as well as i hoped for, car problems, my CD-ROM in my computer popped out the side of the laptop, it's just so much!!! i'm constantly asking God why?! I'm exhausted and i'm afraid that i'm going to just shut down or melt down rather. that's so scary to me. i can already see myself just snapping because of everything and i don't want to do that. and i've detached myself from certain people and situations. i'm feeling lost within myself. I guess it's just second semester. It can be a bit overwhelming.

.i know that i have many blessings that are coming my way so i will remain grateful and thankful to God and i know that he wouldn't bring me to something that i couldn't handle but Lord, i thought at least one thing would pass before another load would come, but it's all a test of faith and i'm definitely going to pass.

.& the white man get's paid off of all of that.

.im soo tired of hearing about the white man this or the white man that. I hear that constantly at Hampton. people really sit in classes and talk about how they still face racism in today's society. indeed racism still does exist- i'm not denying that. but to hear my peers talk about racism that happend to them as if it we were fighting in the civil rights movement is appauling. like my friend was talking about how she's afraid to get a job IN ATLANTA which is widely known for it's huge black success. like forreal girl? you can't get a job in Atlanta because the white girl next to you is going to get the job? ridicilous. nowadays, racism is taught rather than a feeling that has developed within us. blacks are racists against whites! that's evident by always thinking about white people thinking this or saying that about us, then we form opinions and develop feelings about something that we have no first hand experience with. then white people do the same! like the young people that planned on trying to kill President Obama. like dude you're what? 19 years old? why are you racist? it doesn't match up to 1989 or 1990 for you to have been born in a society that dealt with racism as your parents or grandparents did. i feel that RACISM EXISTS, BECAUSE WE ALLOW IT TO. if you stop drilling thoughts and stereotypes into people's heads, then there wouldn't be as big of an issue on racism as it is now. people are just afraid of what's inferior to them and that drives me crazy. they let things get to them and they build of fears and instead of embracing their fear, they try to down play it and hate it. it's so funny that america is a country that is free to do so much. we have women in power, the freedom of speech, the freedom of religion, yet we are some of the most disrespectful, ungrateful people in the universe. am i really and truly proud to be an american? are you truly proud to be an american?

look at what PROFESSIONALS posted today in the New York Post. that's outrageous! are they really serious? yes a woman was attacked yesterday by a chimp in Stamford, Connecticut but to have a police man shoot a monkey [which is an image that is synonymous to black people especially during the civil rights movement and SLAVERY!] and then say "they'll have to find someone else to write the next stimulus bill"? THIS MAKES ME SICK TO MY STOMACH! how many years do we keep pushing ourselves back? clearly they are talking about my man President OB. [yea we have nicknames for eachother] being that he just signed the bill lastnight!! no matter where you live, how high up or low down you are on the scale of living, to still possess such negative thoughts about another person is just amazing. it's truly amazing how people think.

.all in all check your self. please. my fellow american.